Why Everyone Should Marry Three Times in Their Life – A Relationship Counselor’s Insight

Have you ever heard the idea that you should marry three times in your life? No — not three different people, but the same partner, three times. As surprising as it sounds, this philosophy has helped countless couples revive and strengthen their relationships.

Let me share why.

Understanding Marriage as a Journey of Versions

When couples come to me for counseling, they often struggle because they feel their partner has “changed.” And they’re right. We all change. We grow, mature, and evolve into different versions of ourselves over time.

When you first marry, you marry the version of your partner that exists in that moment. But as life unfolds, both of you will transform. Recognizing and recommitting to these evolving versions is the key to lasting love.

Here’s how.

The First Marriage: To the Person You Fell in Love With

At the start, you marry the youthful, passionate version of your partner. You fall in love with their dreams, energy, and hopes. Life feels full of possibilities.

However, as careers, responsibilities, and realities settle in, both of you start growing — often at different paces.

The Second Marriage: After Children and Major Life Changes

Having children and facing life’s bigger challenges transforms both partners. You evolve into parents and more mature individuals. Your priorities, perspectives, and personalities shift.

This is when you need to consciously “re-marry” your partner:

• Acknowledge how they’ve changed.

• Understand and accept their new version.

• Recommit to loving and supporting who they are now.

• Without this awareness, couples drift apart, feeling like strangers.

The Third Marriage: When the Children Leave and Loyalty Remains

Years later, when children move out and you reach your 40s or 50s, your relationship changes again. The sexual aspect diminishes, and life slows down.

Now, your relationship is built purely on companionship, loyalty, and shared history.

This is the third marriage:

• Rediscover each other as life companions.

• Adjust to new needs, interests, and routines.

• Build a meaningful, deep connection based on understanding and loyalty.

Why This Philosophy Saves Relationships

Many couples fall apart because they expect their partner to stay the same forever. But lasting love means adapting to the inevitable growth and change in each other.

Recommitting at each life stage:

• Strengthens emotional bonds.

• Creates resilience in your relationship.

• Fosters empathy, patience, and deeper understanding.

Final Thoughts

Marriage isn’t just one commitment — it’s an ongoing series of re-commitments. So yes, everyone should “marry” three times in their life:

1. To your partner’s younger self.

2. To their mature, post-children self.

3. To their older, loyal companion self.

By embracing this mindset, you nurture a relationship that evolves gracefully, deepens over time, and stands the test of life’s many phases.

Are you ready to marry your partner again?