Why Do Men Seek a Mother in Their Wives

Wives as Natural Healers

Women have an abundance of healing energy; they are natural caregivers. However, men often take this for granted. This is one of the primary reasons why many men unconsciously look for a mother in their wives rather than treating them as equal life partners.

The Impact on wife’s Health

Due to this emotional and physical burden, women are falling sick more frequently. Their autoimmune systems are being affected, and they are suffering from stress-related illnesses. Why? Because when a woman has two children, in reality, she is raising three—her husband being the third child.

The Lack of Husband Training

One of the biggest issues in traditional South Asian societies is that boys are not trained on how to be husbands. From a young age, girls are taught how to behave in their future husband’s home. They are conditioned to serve, adjust, and compromise. However, boys are rarely taught how to be responsible partners.

A child grows up, but he remains a child emotionally. His mother pampers him, protects him, and then one day hands him over to another woman—his wife. The mother believes her job is done, and now it’s the wife’s responsibility to take care of him. This is why, in many marriages, the wife unknowingly steps into the role of a “default mother.”

The Conflict Between Wife and Mother-in-Law

This dynamic creates a significant issue. A husband unconsciously expects his wife to fulfill the same role his mother did—caring for him, catering to his needs, and prioritizing him above all else. But when the wife transitions into the role of a real mother (after having children), conflict arises.

One of the most common sources of tension in households, especially in South Asian families, is the power struggle between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. Why do so many disputes occur in the kitchen? Because the husband still seeks a motherly figure, and when his wife starts focusing on her own children, his actual mother starts feeling threatened.

Breaking the Cycle

To change this dynamic, society must shift its focus. Boys must be raised with the same level of responsibility and emotional intelligence as girls. They should be taught how to be supportive, responsible, and independent partners rather than expecting to be taken care of.

Marriage is a partnership, not a continuation of childhood dependency. Until this is understood and practiced, women will continue to carry the emotional and physical burden of playing both wife and mother to their husbands.