Narcissistic Mothers Act Like They’re Married to Their Sons

This is a very true observation! When women specially (daughter-in-law) come to me for counseling, they often share how they have to compete with their mother-in-law for every little thing. I often tell mothers like these to stop seeing their husband in their son.

Unfulfilled Desires Projected Onto Sons

These mothers are unconsciously searching for their unfulfilled desires and life insecurities in their sons. This leads to depriving the daughter-in-law of the happiness she deserves, as she is constantly in competition with her mother-in-law.

Daughter-in-law Seeking Approval from mother-in-law

In such cases, the daughter-in-law has to seek approval from her mother-in-law for everything, whether it’s wanting attention, love, or even going out with her husband.

A Major Cause of Divorces in South Asia

This dynamic is a significant cause of divorces in South Asia. Studies have shown that after the United States, the subcontinent has one of the highest divorce rates, with in-laws, especially mothers-in-law, being the primary reason.

Please, Let Your Daughter-in-Law Live!

I have always appealed to in-laws: please, let your daughter-in-law live her life!

Double Standards After Marriage

When your son gets married, that’s when you suddenly feel he isn’t giving you enough time. But back when he was single, he spent his entire day with friends, and you didn’t complain – you’d brush it off with laughter, saying, “That’s just how he is.”

Accepting Change and Growth in Your Son

Now, if he’s become more responsible, wants to dedicate himself to his family, and is working harder, why do you blame his wife for “changing” him? Remember, you used to say, “That’s just how he is.” So why not accept the new woman in his life?

For a Harmonious Family, Support His Marriage

Understand that your daughter-in-law deserves a happy life with her husband. She’ll only be able to treat you well if her husband treats her well. If he doesn’t make her happy, how can you expect her to make you happy?

Dear In-Laws, Let Your Daughter-in-Law Live

Please, dear in-laws, give your daughter-in-law the freedom to live her life.

When Family Becomes a Curse for Daughter-in-law

This mostly happens in newly married couples, and can continue for years, as the immediate family—especially the in-laws—can become a curse in the bride’s life.

Managing Expectations for Both Men and Women

I often tell men not to expect the new woman in their life to treat them and their parents the same way she treats her own parents. Likewise, I advise women to stop expecting too much. These aren’t your own parents; keep a respectful and cordial relationship, so conversations can be pleasant when you’re around them.

The Truth About “Our Daughter-in-Law is Like a Daughter”

To in-laws who say, “Our daughter-in-law is like our own daughter”—this is often not true. If she were truly like your daughter, would you be okay if she woke up at noon, skipped making breakfast, or didn’t help with household tasks? Would you be alright if she lived like a queen? Likely not, which means she’s not seen as your own daughter.

Husbands: Don’t Impose Your Parents’ Values on Your New Family

To husbands: don’t impose your parents’ values on your newly established family. The main problems arise when you try to bring the values of your parents’ household into your new family. This is a fresh start—create new values for this new family.