Treat Your Wife the Way You Treat Your Child?

We live in a world where love is often measured by grand gestures, gifts, and glamorous displays. But what if the secret to a deeply connected, emotionally fulfilling marriage lies in something simpler—something many of us already do every day as parents?

Bano Qudsia, the legendary Pakistani writer, once shared a profound thought: If a husband nurtures his wife the way he nurtures his child—with patience, affection, and care—the relationship becomes a sanctuary. And if the wife reciprocates by caring for her husband like she does for her children, there will be no space left for resentment or ego.

It’s a delicate idea—one that many have misunderstood. I’ve spoken about this before in my videos, urging people to “make your wife your child”. Some appreciated the message; others criticized it harshly, saying things like, “We are not babysitters!” And I get that. The surface-level interpretation may feel belittling or one-sided. But let’s look deeper.

It’s Not About Infantilizing—It’s About Nurturing

This isn’t about to treat your partner like they’re incapable or dependent. It’s about providing a safe emotional space, the same way you do for your child when they’re overwhelmed, tired, or simply not at their best.

When a child throws a tantrum, do we yell back? Do we emotionally withdraw? No. We hold space. We understand they’re feeling big emotions they don’t know how to process. We hug them, sit with them, sometimes silently, and just be there.

Now imagine doing that for your spouse. Imagine recognizing their emotional outbursts, their mood swings, their silences—not as a threat to the relationship, but as a call for connection.

Wouldn’t that change everything?

End the Competition, Not the Relationship

I often see couples who, instead of being partners, have unknowingly become competitors. They keep score. “I did this for you, what have you done for me?” They withhold love waiting for the other to “deserve” it. But love doesn’t thrive in competition. It grows in cooperation, compassion, and consistency.

You don’t compete with your child, do you? You don’t say, “Well, I won’t make your lunch today because you didn’t say thank you yesterday.” Then why do we bring such conditional love into our marriages?

Your partner will have days when they are exhausted, insecure, or emotionally distant. And yes, on those days, they may act out, seek attention, or throw metaphorical tantrums. If you can just see them—really see the inner child behind that behavior—and respond with gentleness instead of resistance, you’ve already started to break the cycle of hurt.

It’s About Mutual Parenting

This isn’t just a message for husbands. Wives, too, can embrace this approach. When your husband comes home silent or irritable, see if you can offer softness instead of sarcasm. When he fails at something, offer belief instead of blame.

Marriage is not about perfect balance every day. Some days, one of you will carry more. Some days, one of you will need more. And that’s okay.

Just like parenting, love in marriage is about being there even when it’s hard—especially when it’s hard.

Think Like a Parent, Love Like a Partner

Here are a few ways to implement this:

1. Pause Before Reacting: When your partner lashes out, ask yourself, “What’s behind this?” Try to respond, not react.

2. Physical Affection: Like a child needs hugs, your partner may need a hand to hold, a head to rest, or a gentle embrace in silence.

3. Affirmation and Praise: Just as you celebrate your child’s small wins, notice and acknowledge your partner’s efforts—even the small ones.

4. Forgive Freely: Remember how quickly you forgive your child for their mistakes? That same grace can heal many wounds in marriage.

5. Say “I’m here” Often: You’d be amazed how calming those two words can be—especially when your partner is in distress.

Final Thoughts

Love matures, but it never stops needing nourishment. And just like a child needs consistency, patience, and unconditional acceptance, so does your partner.

No, we are not babysitters. We are caregivers of each other’s hearts. We are protectors of our shared emotional space. And when we treat each other with the same gentle, nurturing energy we give our children, we don’t diminish our relationship—we elevate it.

So maybe next time your partner throws a tantrum, instead of rolling your eyes or walking away, try asking gently, “What’s going on, my love?” You’ll be surprised how much healing starts with one act of emotional parenting.