Ladies, Don’t Marry a Desi Guy Until You Read This

Introduction: A Harsh Truth About Desi Marriages Abroad

I’m Ali Haider, a relationship counselor, and I’ve worked with countless couples from all over the world. Today, I want to share something I’ve observed time and again during relationship counseling sessions — particularly involving Desi men (from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, etc.) who marry women already settled abroad (Canada, the UK, the US, Europe, or Australia).

While it may sound harsh, this post is not to blame anyone — especially not men — but rather to highlight a repeated pattern that ruins marriages and drains women emotionally and financially. If you’re a woman thinking of marrying a Desi man from the subcontinent, this article is for you.

1. The Repeated Pattern in Desi Marriages Abroad

In most of the counseling cases I receive, here’s how the story begins:

A woman born and raised in Canada, the UK, the US, or Australia marries a man from South Asia.
The man is brought abroad after marriage.
As soon as he arrives, his first concern isn’t to build a life with his wife — it’s to fix the problems back home.

2. His First Priorities Are Always Back Home

Let me break down what typically happens:

The man says: “I have to support my parents, I need to repay the loan my father took to send me abroad.”
Often, families have sold land, flats, cars, or even taken loans to make this marriage or visa possible.
He says he needs to first repay those loans, then get his sisters married, then help his brothers get settled.
Only after all of this will he start investing in his new life or his wife.

3. Cultural Mismatch Is Real

Even when finances aren’t a big issue, cultural mismatches cause major stress:

The woman is used to a different culture, environment, and lifestyle.
The man often has rigid traditional expectations, and both struggle to connect emotionally.
Communication, values, and even gender roles become a battlefield.

4. The Financial Imbalance and Emotional Burden

The biggest problem I hear during counseling is this:

“My husband is sending all his earnings back home.”
“I’m the one paying the rent, bills, and even supporting him while he’s still studying.”
“He’s taken loans in my name.”
“He says he has to take care of his family — I get it, but what about us?”

This goes on for 10–15 years in many cases. Couples delay starting a family. Emotional distance grows. Resentment builds.

5. I’m Not Saying He’s Wrong — But The Timing Is

Let me be very clear — these men aren’t wrong for wanting to help their families. It’s admirable. But they need to do it before marriage.

If you’re a man reading this:

Go abroad first.
Settle.
Repay loans.
Help your parents and siblings.
Then think about marriage — when you can be fully present for your wife.

6. Dear Women: Learn to Say “Not Yet”

If you’re a woman considering marrying someone from back home:

Wait. Tell him, “Get stable first, then come back to me.”
Don’t take on his burdens.
Don’t be manipulated into thinking you’re selfish if you prioritize your own emotional peace.
You deserve a partner, not a project.

7. Real Cases from My Counseling Room

I’ve seen many couples on the brink of divorce due to this exact cycle:

Loans in the wife’s name.
100% of the man’s income being sent to his family.
No romantic or emotional partnership left.
The wife crying in therapy because she is the only one building the marriage.

This is not marriage — this is survival. And love cannot grow in survival mode.

8. The Importance of Professional Help

If you find yourself in a similar cycle — feeling stuck, confused, or burdened — don’t wait until it’s too late.

Seek professional counseling.
Join our relationship guidance program.
Work on your self-worth and boundaries.

Conclusion: Your Future Deserves Stability

Marriage is a lifelong partnership. It must be built on mutual support, emotional availability, and financial clarity. Don’t let guilt or culture pressure you into a one-sided relationship.

Get Help Today

My name is Ali Haider, and I’m a professional relationship counselor. If you feel like your matrimonial life is stuck in this toxic cycle, it’s okay to seek help.

Book a relationship counseling session
Join our upcoming relationship recovery course
Reclaim your peace — one healthy boundary at a time