If He’s Not There for His Children, He Won’t Be There for You
Introduction: A Painful Yet Necessary Truth
When a woman comes to me for counseling—often confused, hurt, and filled with hope—she usually asks one of these heart-wrenching questions:
“Will my husband ever be like he used to be?”
“Will he love me again like before?”
“Can he be loyal to me again?”
These questions speak to a woman’s deep desire for emotional security and the restoration of love in her marriage. But before I can give any hopeful answer, I ask her a simple, revealing question.
The Key Question Every Woman Should Ask
I look at her gently and ask:
“Is your husband present for your children?”
“Does he love them, care for them, and act like a good father?”
More often than not, the answer is a silent, painful no.
And when that answer comes, I don’t sugarcoat the truth. I say:
“I’m sorry, but if your husband is not a good father to his own children, then he may never become the loving husband you once knew.”
Universal Law: The Connection Between Fatherhood and Manhood
This is not just an opinion—it’s a law of the universe. A man who is absent from his children’s lives, who does not show love and care for them, simply cannot be expected to show consistent love to his wife.
If he cannot commit to his own blood, to the very beings he helped bring into this world, how can he commit to you?
The Myth of Selective Love
Some men claim, “I love my kids, but I don’t love their mother.”
To that I say—how is that even possible?
That woman you claim not to love is the one who gave life to your children. She nurtured them, raised them, and gave them the emotional and physical care that you often couldn’t. Loving your children while disregarding the woman who gave them life is a contradiction. It’s a broken narrative.
A Mother Deserves Respect for the Role She Plays
A mother isn’t just a caretaker—she’s the emotional backbone of the home. Her mental and emotional well-being directly affects the upbringing of your children.
So, if you truly love your children, you will respect, honor, and emotionally support their mother. Even if the marriage is going through a difficult phase, creating a safe and respectful environment for her is not optional—it’s necessary.
A Message for Women in Difficult Marriages
If you are a wife questioning your husband’s love and loyalty, observe his relationship with your children. His behavior towards them will tell you a lot about his capacity for love, care, and commitment.
If he is emotionally absent from your kids, you must understand: You cannot build a loving relationship with a man who is disconnected from the most sacred responsibility of his life—fatherhood.
What Real Love Looks Like
True love isn’t just about romantic gestures or sweet words. It is seen in everyday responsibilities, in showing up for your family, in being present—not just physically, but emotionally.
A man who truly loves, loves fully. He loves his children, and he honors their mother.
So remember this eternal truth:
“A man who is not there for his children, is not truly there for anyone—not even you.”
