85% of Extramarital Affairs Start at the Workplace
In my observation, this is quite true — 85% of extramarital affairs start at the workplace. Let’s dive into why this happens and how couples can prevent it.
Why Do Affairs Start at Work?
The workplace isn’t just about earning a paycheck anymore. It’s a space where people spend a significant chunk of their day, collaborating, problem-solving, and achieving goals. This shared environment fosters a sense of intellectual and emotional closeness between coworkers — something that, if missing in a marriage, can pave the way for an affair.
The Emotional Gap Between Husbands and Wives
In many households, especially in more traditional cultures, husbands are often the primary breadwinners. This role creates a dynamic where men may unintentionally overlook the emotional needs of their wives — or even their own emotional needs — because they see themselves primarily as providers.
Many men, whether consciously or subconsciously, seek not only a life partner but also someone who supports them emotionally, shares their ambitions, and understands their professional struggles. If this emotional support is missing at home, they may unknowingly start seeking it elsewhere — often at work.
The Role of Shared Goals
One key reason workplace affairs develop is the presence of shared goals. At work, colleagues collaborate on the same projects, solve the same problems, and celebrate the same successes. This creates a powerful sense of unity and mutual achievement.
When two people share a common goal and invest their time and energy together, it naturally fosters a sense of emotional intimacy. This “intellectual intimacy” can gradually transform into something deeper — even romantic — especially if one’s relationship at home lacks that sense of partnership.
At home, many couples don’t share such tangible, mutual goals. They may love each other but lead parallel lives: one managing the household, the other handling work, with little overlap in their ambitions or daily experiences. The absence of a shared goal at home contrasts sharply with the intense, collaborative environment at work — making the latter more emotionally appealing.
Time Matters — And Most Time Is Spent at Work
Modern work culture demands long hours. For many people, especially men working to support a family, more hours are spent with coworkers than with their spouses. Over time, this imbalance can weaken the emotional connection at home while strengthening the bond with coworkers.
When you spend more time talking to, problem-solving with, and even celebrating wins with a colleague than with your spouse, the emotional investment shifts. This can happen gradually, without even realizing it’s becoming an intimate bond.
The Illusion of Achievement and Fulfillment
One of the most dangerous emotional traps in workplace affairs is the feeling of achievement. When you achieve a shared goal with a coworker, it brings a sense of victory — and when that person celebrates with you, it feels rewarding. This shared achievement creates a false sense of deeper connection.
Unfortunately, that same sense of success might be missing from the marriage. If the spouse wasn’t involved in the journey to that success, they often don’t receive credit for it — and the one who shared the journey (the coworker) becomes more valued in that moment. This emotional reward system strengthens the bond with the coworker, making the marriage feel even more distant.
The Solution: Include Your Spouse in Your Goals
The key to preventing this emotional drift lies in shared goals at home. I always advise husbands: include your wives in your ambitions and goals. Make her feel like a partner, not just in life but in your dreams and achievements.
- Discuss your career goals and challenges with her.
- Invite her opinion and make her feel involved.
- Set personal, financial, or family goals together — and celebrate milestones as a team.
When you achieve something and credit your spouse for being part of that journey, it deepens the emotional bond. This sense of shared accomplishment creates a more powerful intimacy than any workplace connection ever could.
The Ultimate Intimacy Is Emotional and Intellectual Partnership
True intimacy isn’t just physical — it’s emotional and intellectual too. When a couple shares a vision, works toward mutual goals, and celebrates achievements together, they experience a bond that no workplace relationship can replace.
By consciously making your spouse a part of your ambitions, you’re not just strengthening your marriage — you’re protecting it from external emotional influences.
Would you rather celebrate your success with a coworker — or the person who’s been by your side through everything, cheering you on, and helping you reach that goal in the first place?
The choice is yours — but the outcome depends on how much you value your relationship and how willing you are to make your spouse an equal partner in your life’s journey.
