What are common reasons for divorce? In-laws Cause 90% of Divorces

In-laws and Outsiders Cause 90% of Divorces

Most of the time, external factors are involved in breakups or divorces, rather than conflicts between the husband and wife themselves.

Problems Often Arise from the Husband’s Side

In many cases, the issues stem from the husband’s side, where the husband has given complete freedom to his family to interfere. He shares every problem in the household, from the bedroom to the bathroom and kitchen, with his parents or extended family.

Both Partners Involve Outsiders

Women can also be guilty of this by involving their own mothers. Both partners make decisions based on the opinions of others instead of deciding for themselves.

Keeping Outsiders Out of Your Relationship

If you want to improve your relationship, keep third parties out of it, whether they are uncles, aunts, parents, or any other family member. Respect them, invite them to family functions, attend their events, but do not share intimate details of your marriage with them.

Stop Reporting Each Other to Families

Avoid reporting your spouse’s behavior to your family. Do not say, “My wife did this” or “My husband did that.” This kind of backchannel reporting needs to stop for a healthier relationship.

80% of Relationships Fail Because of Excessive Intervention by In-Laws

Considering a Program for Parents’ Counselling

In fact, I’m considering starting a program for parents’ counselling, so they can come in before their son gets married and learn how to treat their daughter-in-law.

The Issue with Desi Households

The issue with our desi households is that as soon as a girl arrives, we start expecting things from her, even though she hasn’t had the chance to explore your family yet.

Your Son Needs to Explore and Know Her

Your son needs to explore and get to know her, and they are still getting to know each other.

Give Them Space to Understand Each Other

You should contribute by giving them the space to understand each other and by making the new girl feel comfortable so that she can get to know your son.

Why Are You Feeling Insecure?

Your son is about to start a new family, but you are already his family, so why are you feeling insecure?

He Won’t Leave You, Unless…

He’s not going to leave you, but if you cause trouble and don’t let him build his own family, then he might leave you and move out of the joint family.

First Night of Marriage: The Husband Hands Over an Appointment Letter

Imagine this: On the first night of their marriage, a husband hands his wife an appointment letter. In it, her job description states: “Now that you’re in this house, you are responsible for taking care of my parents, siblings, and household.” If he had his way, he might even add, “Make sure to take care of the neighbors as well.”

A New Environment for Her

I have always debated this idea. She has just entered your house, a place where she has no familiarity. She doesn’t even know how many rooms there are in this home, a home where you expect her to shoulder all responsibilities. While the environment is familiar to you, for her, it is entirely new. She has left her own home to be with you, often feeling scared and uncertain.

Caring for Your Parents: Not Her Obligation

I especially want to address this point: Taking care of your parents is not her responsibility. However, if you give her acceptance, love, and make her feel like a part of the family, she will naturally care for you and your family. But she is not obligated to do so.

Are your family members ruining your married life?

This particular message is especially for DESI MEN! Don’t mix the family you are building with the family you already have. What we tend to do after marriage is shape it according to the opinions of our immediate family. 

NEVER do this to your Wife!

Please, don’t do things like, “Oh, your uncle said you don’t know how to cook,” or “Hey, I think we should spend this summer vacation somewhere else because mom doesn’t like going there.” NO! Make these decisions between yourselves. Then you say that your wife doesn’t get along with your family, but it’s because you are imposing your family’s decisions on your wife.

Value the opinion of your wife

I always say, if you are taking the opinion of those who are not going to live with the results of that opinion, then you are ruining that family. You’ve just started a new family, so give it time, give importance to the new member who has come into your life, and don’t disrespect your family. But also, let them know that you’ve started a new family, and from now on, decisions will be made equally between you and your partner.

Read this before you end your relationship

The Cycle of Stonewalling

What happens in many relationships is that we start to build emotional walls around ourselves or our partner. We unconsciously follow a pattern that begins to turn the marriage toxic. Instead of addressing these patterns, we continue down the same path, eventually shutting down communication.

Preferring Divorce Over Restarting

Rather than trying to reset the marriage, couples often prefer to end the relationship. They opt for separation instead of giving the marriage a fresh start, which could save it from breaking down completely.

Counseling Couples to Break Patterns

I have worked with couples who, when asked if they could restart their marriage by discontinuing the harmful patterns, showed a willingness to do so. They became new versions of themselves for each other, which is often a very likable outcome.

Perpetuating Harmful Patterns

When we follow old patterns that cause issues in the relationship, our partner might not see the pattern itself as problematic—they begin to think that you are the problem. As a result, they may want to distance themselves from you, and this leads to the end of the marriage.

Negotiate and Break the Pattern Before It’s Too Late

Try, until the very end, to break the pattern. Negotiate it. Attempting to break this cycle can sometimes save the relationship before it reaches the point of no return.

•Syed Ali Haider (@syed.ali.haider5)